Hifa Salim, 5th Engineer, BW Kizoku. Her vessel was drifting at Fujairah OPL, outside the Strait of Hormuz, when the events in her essay took place.
You don’t expect to see a missile on your first ship. I didn’t.
I am 24. 5th Engineer on BW Kizoku. Everybody on board calls me “Paanch Saab”. I like that name. It makes me feel like I belong, even though I don’t have a watch yet.
First week of March, our vessel was supposed to load at Kuwait. Then war started. Suddenly. Company message came: “Drift outside the Strait of Hormuz, near Fujairah OPL.” We drifted there for a few days. Later I realised, if we reached 15 hours earlier, we would have been trapped inside. That 15 hours saved us.
One morning, vessel was drifting. I went to deck before engine room rounds. Just to get some fresh air. Normal routine. We were not far from land.
I heard a loud sound from the sky. I lifted my head up, and there I saw some flashes going one after the other. So fast and sudden. Missiles. It lasted maybe five or six seconds. Then gone.
This was the first time I saw missiles in real life. And it was on my first ship. My hands started shivering. I had read news about war in GCC and attacks on ships. But seeing it is different. Hearing that sound is different. Sea was quiet. But sky was not.
I ran down to engine room. I was tensed and confused.
Every day my Umma calls from home and asks, “Mole, war is there, right? You are safe?” I always say, “No Umma, I am safe.” But that day, I didn’t know what to tell her the next time she calls.
I started thinking very bad things. “What if something happens? We are drifting in middle of sea. I cannot even sign off. Should I tell 2nd Engineer, ‘Sir I am scared, I want to go home’?” I was really thinking that, and I was ready to quit at that moment. Then I heard it. Main engine starting. Small kick ahead from bridge for position.
I heard the air starting sound. “Tak Tak Tak.” I hear that sound every time. But that morning it felt different. It felt like the heartbeat of the ship. And that time I realised, the ship is alive. We are not alone.
After my engine room routines, I went to mess room for breakfast. Chief Engineer, 2nd Engineer and other officers were there. I sat near Amina, Deck Cadet. She is my friend on ship. She was talking normal, laughing. I was sure she didn’t see what I saw. And I didn’t want to scare her also.
Everyone was talking, having food, smiling. No fear on their faces. It was like a normal day for all of them.
That’s when I made my decision. The decision that mattered.
I will not go to 2nd Engineer. I will not say I want to go home. I will not complain. I will stay and do my work.
Why? Because in that moment I understood three things.
First, a few seconds of fear is not bigger than a full day of duty. Those missiles were five or six seconds only. But this ship, this crew, this engine room, they run 24 hours.
Second, my Umma is scared at home. If I am also scared here, then who will work? All my seniors have family. They also may be scared. But they come to work and smile. If they can do it, I can also do it. I am part of this ship.
Third, they call me “Paanch Saab” for a reason. Even as Trainee, I am an engineer. I give small contribution. If I am not there, work load will be more for others. We are drifting in war zone. This is not the time to be selfish. This is time to be together.
I took a cup of tea and sat with 2nd Engineer. I didn’t say I want to go home. Instead I asked, “Sir, what are we going to do today?”, He smiled. “Good morning Paanch Saab.” He poured a little more tea and said, “Paanch Saab strong aayi.” It was in Malayalam, which means I became strong. Then he told me, “Today I will teach you fuel valve overhauling. Come with me.”
People think “Decisions at Sea” means Captain’s decisions. Emergency decisions. Big decisions. But on my first ship, I learned that the biggest decision is sometimes the quietest one. The decision to not run away. The decision to not complain. The decision to choose duty over fear.
If I had been crying and scared during those days, it would have been a problem for the full engine room team and for my company also. I learnt teamwork is not just doing the job together. It’s giving courage to each other. When I saw my seniors without fear in the mess room, I got courage. When 2E called me “strong”, I became strong.
When main engine started that morning, I felt like the ship was telling me, “Don’t worry Hifa, I am here with you.” So I told the ship, “Ok, I am also here with you.” Now I know why everybody calling ship as “she”. Because now she is like a mother to me, taking care of me, taking care of us. Later I told my Umma the same. “Umma, ship is taking care of me. And I am also taking care of ship.”
I don’t have a watch. I don’t know big things. But I know this. If ship has problem, it’s problem for all 24 people. If ship is safe, it’s because of all 24 people. I am one of those 24.
That morning I saw three missiles. But I also heard one heartbeat. My ship’s engine. I chose to listen to the heartbeat. I chose to stay. We completed that drifting without any problem. Without any complaint. All together.
That was my Decision at Sea. And yes, it mattered.
Hifa Salim serves as 5th Engineer on BW Kizoku, an LPG carrier managed by Synergy Marine Group on behalf of BW LPG. We thank BW LPG for their continued partnership and for joining us in recognising Hifa’s achievement.
About Hifa
Hifa Salim, 5th Engineer, BW Kizoku.
Hifa Salim is a Fifth Engineer with a growing passion for marine engineering and life at sea. She is currently sailing on an LPG carrier, where she supports engine room operations and continues to develop her understanding of safety, teamwork and precision in the operation of shipboard machinery and cargo-related systems.
She enjoys learning something new each day on board and takes pride in being part of the team that keeps the vessel running safely and efficiently. Outside work, Hifa likes staying active, exploring new technologies and reading
